Finding Our Way
http://carriejeans.com
Finding Our Way
The Elusive Joy of Clean
Two weekends ago, my live Christmas tree and wreaths were gone, burnt in a lovely Epiphany bonfire.
But the rest of the Christmas kitsch remained – garlands of evergreen and poinsettia on the mantles and stairways, antique and new figurines, crèches, more wreaths, mistletoe, candles, bows and ornaments that adorned doorways, shelves and walls. During the Christmas season the kitsch is festive and warm; afterward, it’s just clutter. I wilted at the level of lugging and packing and organizing it would take to find the ... << MORE >>
But the rest of the Christmas kitsch remained – garlands of evergreen and poinsettia on the mantles and stairways, antique and new figurines, crèches, more wreaths, mistletoe, candles, bows and ornaments that adorned doorways, shelves and walls. During the Christmas season the kitsch is festive and warm; afterward, it’s just clutter. I wilted at the level of lugging and packing and organizing it would take to find the ... << MORE >>
Today's the Day
5:45 a.m. Today’s the Day, I think. We’ll have to summon the mercy and courage to say good-bye to Bou.
<< MORE >>
Gratitude
"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch
Heaven.” - Johannes A. Gaertner
...<< MORE >>
Today, I am exceedingly grateful for –
...<< MORE >>
Happy Thanksgiving Day
Dear Family and Friends,
Here it is Monday of Thanksgiving week already, and I have not sent out any cards via the US Mail to you, which means that it is pretty much too late to send them now, so I will send you my words electronically. Is it any wonder the ... << MORE >>
Here it is Monday of Thanksgiving week already, and I have not sent out any cards via the US Mail to you, which means that it is pretty much too late to send them now, so I will send you my words electronically. Is it any wonder the ... << MORE >>
Cricketsong and the End of a Season
I drove up the driveway and shut off the car engine
That's when I heard it.
My ears snapped to attention. Oh my God, I thought....
<< MORE >>Book Reviews
I was a little aghast when I looked at my blog and it said "70 days since last post."
NOT TRUE! I thought.
Here's why it's not true - I post to my Books I Read in 2009 more frequently than to the regular pages. The "book reviews" are not just "I liked / disliked this book." Usually, I write about what the book meant to me and what I valued, so I am hoping that these "reviews" are an interesting read too.
Recent ones over the summer pretty much reflect the discernment process I've been going through - all good stuff:
New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton
Womenomics by Claire Shipman and Katy Kay
Do What You Are
and
Difficult Conversations
NOT TRUE! I thought.
Here's why it's not true - I post to my Books I Read in 2009 more frequently than to the regular pages. The "book reviews" are not just "I liked / disliked this book." Usually, I write about what the book meant to me and what I valued, so I am hoping that these "reviews" are an interesting read too.
Recent ones over the summer pretty much reflect the discernment process I've been going through - all good stuff:
New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton
Womenomics by Claire Shipman and Katy Kay
Do What You Are
and
Difficult Conversations
Sleeping in Today
When a very hot, muggy August day gives way to a very cool night, moisture from the steamy earth rises into that cool air and makes ground fog. It’s a pretty effect of “clouds on the ground” that I enjoy. I observed this effect one morning this month as I drove past fields and mountains on the way to work in the early morning, and this is what I thought:
<< MORE >>To Portland and Back Diary
2009, Sunday August 2nd,
Once through, I wanted one of Annie’s pretzels so I bought one and a strawberry lemonade. We found the Red Carpet Club and went in. The lady behind the desk said, “Oh, no, you can’t bring food from outside in here. Please go out and finish it before you come in.” WHAT?? I said (I had brought food in before many times.) “That’s the number 1 rule ...<< MORE >>
Let's Continue
My blog stats tell me I haven't posted a new entry in 74 days. I have thought about it almost all of those 74 days.
When I write here, it is because there is something significant, or beautiful, or inspiring or interesting that I want to share. The reason I haven't written in so long is that I didn't feel I could continue until I addressed the most significant thing that has happened in my life. And I just wasn't ready. I didn't know what to say. I did have lots to say, but it was too personal.
Today I continue. That "most significant thing in my life" was on May 27 losing my mother.<< MORE >>
Homage to the Leaves
Driving the mountain-scenic roads
to the Shenandoah hollow of Orkney Springs,
the gentle greens of new leaves evoke in me
tenderness.
I feel drawn into the greens, << MORE >>
to the Shenandoah hollow of Orkney Springs,
the gentle greens of new leaves evoke in me
tenderness.
I feel drawn into the greens, << MORE >>
Cake Tribulations
It all started innocently enough. My pretty cake stand was empty. It is a holiday and the girls are behaving fairly aimlessly. "You want to bake a cake?" I asked.
We only had one can of whipped cream cheese frosting. The girls chose a red velvet cake from among several mixes we had on hand. Good combination. They started to work while I messed around on my computer in another room.
When I emerged to see how they were doing, I saw they had out one heart-shaped 8-inch pan and a cake pan for a dozen mini-muffins. They were spooning insanely red batter into ...<< MORE >>
We only had one can of whipped cream cheese frosting. The girls chose a red velvet cake from among several mixes we had on hand. Good combination. They started to work while I messed around on my computer in another room.
When I emerged to see how they were doing, I saw they had out one heart-shaped 8-inch pan and a cake pan for a dozen mini-muffins. They were spooning insanely red batter into ...<< MORE >>
Books I Read in 2009
This is the list of books I read in 2009. This year I am going to try to at least pull out a favorite quote and maybe write a little about the book. I'll add to this page all year, then. << MORE >>
Virginia Winter
Winter in Virginia is so beautiful I had to stop before writing this to take some photos of the stark branches — lean and tall, or gnarled and sprawled — with bright light striping their West sides and deep sienna shadows on their East sides. They cast long shadows across pale wintergreen grass and the Short Hills mountains rise beyond them, solid and silent.
<< MORE >>
Books I Read in 2008
This is the list of books I read in 2008, from most recent. So, I finished The Wide Open Door in late December, and I read Infidel in January 2008.
I'm going to track the 2009 books too, but I didn't want to lose "the list" from 2008 so I'm putting it here on a blog page.
This was fun. I often wished, as I was reading, that I would stop and do a little book review at the end of each. Or, at least pull out one quote I loved from each one. I didn't do that (mostly because the ...<< MORE >>
What have we become?
I almost don't know how to say what I'm feeling. There was a wretched horror and vicarious shame I felt upon reading how a 34 year old temporary employee at a Wal-Mart in Long Island, NY, was trampled and killed at 5:00 in the morning as Black Friday shoppers swarmed into the store, ripping the doors off their hinges.
view link
What the hell???
Who are these people? Where is our respect for our fellow human beings? Where is our respect for ourselves? What consumer product could possibly be worth waiting in line for hours in the dark and the cold ...<< MORE >>
view link
What the hell???
Who are these people? Where is our respect for our fellow human beings? Where is our respect for ourselves? What consumer product could possibly be worth waiting in line for hours in the dark and the cold ...<< MORE >>
Yes We Can
I had thought our country was lost to greed, to cynicism and to characterization as a nation made up of people and leaders who fit the mold of "the Ugly American." I didn't want to believe it, but I saw little evidence to the contrary.
I had thought that the lush, idealistic season in which I grew up - a season wherein it was not cool and not acceptable to hate, to categorize and despise, to disrespect people who were different from me - I thought that was a season past, and relegated to at best a footnote in some history book, if ...<< MORE >>
I had thought that the lush, idealistic season in which I grew up - a season wherein it was not cool and not acceptable to hate, to categorize and despise, to disrespect people who were different from me - I thought that was a season past, and relegated to at best a footnote in some history book, if ...<< MORE >>
Good-bye Dear Friend
We found Noah while stranded in New York in 2003.
We had just moved into our new Purcellville, Virginia home, the one with the 5+ acres of yard that was finally big enough to accommodate a dog. That’s what we had told the girls all along anyway, when they begged us for a dog when we lived in a townhouse with no yard of which to speak. We had traveled to New York State and were staying with my sister when a blizzard dropped 2 feet of snow on the Washington, DC area. New York was fine, but we ...<< MORE >>
We had just moved into our new Purcellville, Virginia home, the one with the 5+ acres of yard that was finally big enough to accommodate a dog. That’s what we had told the girls all along anyway, when they begged us for a dog when we lived in a townhouse with no yard of which to speak. We had traveled to New York State and were staying with my sister when a blizzard dropped 2 feet of snow on the Washington, DC area. New York was fine, but we ...<< MORE >>
Girls Just Wanna Have Fu-un
...So, when I drive up to my house, or pull out of the driveway, I greet my flowers. "Hi girls! How you doing?"
<< MORE >>
Sardine Commute
I went to work early and I stayed late. Too late. Last one in line for the last-bus-of-the-day late. That means that on a bus designed to hold 56 commuters, I was number 58, and I would have to stand.
Okay. “It’s a’right. It’s all good.” After all, I felt okay. I had a happy song stuck in my head (These are a few of my fa-vo-rite things…) courtesy of the salt-n-pepper dred-locked geezer saxophone player on the street corner. I thanked God that I caught a bus. I was grateful I had my bad-ass, orthopedic-insert, open mesh weave super sneakers on. ...
<< MORE >>Of Mulch and "Weeds"
Sunday was mulch day. Well, Saturday was mulch day too. At the end of mulch day, it’s the butt muscles that hurt! Yowza — all that bending and stretching.
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Obsess Much?
Guilty as charged. My kids have said I obsess about my garden. Well, I’ve been worse. But here is the latest example. This past week it finally occurred to me that the pain I was feeling all last week was not, in fact, back strain from digging in the garden. It was, uh… kidney problems. Yeah, the throbbing pain was in an internal organ, not a back muscle. Well, dang. That means the inconvenience of doctors and tests and meds….
What’s kidney pain when you can be out in the garden getting it ready for Spring? “I’m saving lives here!” ...
<< MORE >>Oh, the Sweet Pain!
God, I love my garden. People who know me know this. They would derive this from a simple visit to our home and enjoying the loose, lively and lovely spread of color, the heady scents, the overabundance of beauty.
But, it's not just the beauty that tells me I love my garden. It's the devotion, the excitement, the thrill I get when I work in it. ... << MORE >>
Orlando Vacation Diary
Orlando Vacation Diary
Saturday March 15, 2008
The Adventure Begins...<< MORE >>
Some People Change
"Here's to the strong; thanks to the brave.
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change. "
Those are lyrics to a Montgomery Gentry song. Isn't "Montgomery Gentry" a great cowboy name?
...<< MORE >>
Don't give up hope: some people change.
Against all odds, against the grain,
Love finds a way: some people change. "
Those are lyrics to a Montgomery Gentry song. Isn't "Montgomery Gentry" a great cowboy name?
...<< MORE >>
Winter's Ragged Edges
On Christmas Eve, just about a month ago now, my lovely daughter brought me a gift of "tulips to be." It was a wide glass vase, with a dozen or so bare tulip bulbs in the bottom. There was a little "grate" in the bottom of the vase too. You simply put water in the bottom, and the bulbs sprout roots, which anchor themselves through the grate, then come leaves, then, in about 3 weeks, voila! Spring!<< MORE >>
GI Jane
An earnest, fresh-faced middle-aged woman stands alone on a desolate rock. She gazes skyward, yearning. Cut the camera to another mountaintop rock. A man, of indeterminate
national origin stands alone, hair and clothes blowing in the wind. Then another shot of a man or woman standing alone, another nationality. All good looking people in their Lands
End preppy clothes. Each standing tall and gazing expectantly. The camera pans wide and the desolate rocks start to shift in the bright blue skies. They are moving miraculously
toward each other, the rocks joining to form a majestic mountain. Transcendent, rapturous music swells. One person reaches ...<< MORE >>
One Day You Finally Knew
The epiphany of finally "knowing what you have to do" - I think it comes to each of us, if we are lucky, and if we pay attention. ...
<< MORE >>Poor in Spirit, and Just Plain Poor
Gil and I had breakfast at our small-town family restaurant this morning. It's only been open for about five years, but the building is in an early
1900's, square, nondescript building in the heart of old-town Purcellville, Virginia. The inside is kinda faded and worn around the edges; my favorite customers there are the
craggy-faced farmers with their baseball caps and plaid flannel shirts. The trucks in the parking lot are likely to sport NRA stickers, or, today we smiled at one that said,
"1-20-2008: Bush's Last Day in Office."
We go there most Saturday or Sunday mornings and get a home-cooked breakfast for about $6.00 ...<< MORE >>
We go there most Saturday or Sunday mornings and get a home-cooked breakfast for about $6.00 ...<< MORE >>
On the Bus Ride Home
Sometimes things I see in DC "leap off the canvas" and I have to write them down.
This is what I saw on my bus ride out of DC yesterday:
The Potomac River in a cloudy dusk looking like silver cellophane stretched over black water. The river was lined with orange and yellow trees. The Gothic spires of Georgetown in the distance.
I look up and there's a fat passenger plane muscling its way through a downward path over the bridge to the airport.
At the end of the bridge I look down — two dark raggedy forms have spread out blankets on the ...
<< MORE >>
This is what I saw on my bus ride out of DC yesterday:
The Potomac River in a cloudy dusk looking like silver cellophane stretched over black water. The river was lined with orange and yellow trees. The Gothic spires of Georgetown in the distance.
I look up and there's a fat passenger plane muscling its way through a downward path over the bridge to the airport.
At the end of the bridge I look down — two dark raggedy forms have spread out blankets on the ...
Buttermilk Almond Chess Pie
I just made buttermilk almond chess pie, and life is good.
Have you ever had chess pie? Have you ever had buttermilk almond chess pie warm? It tastes like Christmas feels. Life is good.
On a Saturday morning of a long weekend (Monday is a holiday), it doesn't matter where I look; I come to the same conclusion, that "life is good." Sometimes this experience comes out as "I am the luckiest woman in the world." I thought that a couple days ago when I was walking with Mary down our country road and I was just so grateful to: have a road, and one that is beautiful, solid, ...
<< MORE >>
Have you ever had chess pie? Have you ever had buttermilk almond chess pie warm? It tastes like Christmas feels. Life is good.
On a Saturday morning of a long weekend (Monday is a holiday), it doesn't matter where I look; I come to the same conclusion, that "life is good." Sometimes this experience comes out as "I am the luckiest woman in the world." I thought that a couple days ago when I was walking with Mary down our country road and I was just so grateful to: have a road, and one that is beautiful, solid, ...
Georgia Vacation Diary
The family encouraged me to record the events of our Georgia Vacation 2007, so we collaborated on this diary. I typed it on a laptop over two days’ drive from Helen, Georgia to Purcellville, Virginia.
Thursday, Aug 9
Weather: HOT, 98 degrees – “sweat your jeans off hot”
Mary drove 7 hours from Purcellville, VA to Statesville, NC.
On ...
You had me at hello
Last night when it was my turn playing the Ungame, I got the question, "What is prayer to you?"
I thought for a moment and said, "Breathing out and breathing in the presence and the mind of God."
...<< MORE >>
Lucky for Me
Just in from researchers at the University of Arkansas: "Women age 50 and over who gardened at least once a week had higher bone densities than did those who jogged, swam, walked or did aerobics." Oh, thank God.
It's all the pushing, pulling, bending, digging, hauling and stretching, I'm sure, plus the vitamin D factor from the sun. I am a Lithuanian peasant after all, so this kind of exercise appeals to me. I am fat, but surprisingly healthy (if you look at all those blood chemistry measurements like cholesterol and glucose, or at things like blood pressure and heart rate).
I ...<< MORE >>
It's all the pushing, pulling, bending, digging, hauling and stretching, I'm sure, plus the vitamin D factor from the sun. I am a Lithuanian peasant after all, so this kind of exercise appeals to me. I am fat, but surprisingly healthy (if you look at all those blood chemistry measurements like cholesterol and glucose, or at things like blood pressure and heart rate).
I ...<< MORE >>
But Wait. There's More!
But Wait. There's more! ... << MORE >>
The Surprise
Wow. Just one week ago, I walked into the house on a Friday night tired from the week's work and so glad to be home. Mary and Ian greeted me at the back door with the biggest smiles. "Happy Birthday Mom!" says Mary. "Your first birthday surprise is in the green room." "You're gonna love it," says Ian. I'm thinking, well, whatever the surprise is, the look of joy on my kids' faces here is enough of a gift already!
...<< MORE >>
...<< MORE >>
Good-bye to Winter, Hello to Spring
I had to share this video. Last month, with the last big snow and ice storm, Seattle was off of school of course. I encouraged her to go out back and play on our long, slope of a backyard, because the ice would make it the best sledding she's ever had. She did, and, she used her phone to videotape the experience. So, if you can open this little file, go through the rigamarole to download or update RealPlayer or whatever hoops you have to jump through, you will see a fun video that captures a bright sunny cold day, ...<< MORE >>
This is What S L O W Looks Like
I often feel like The Watcher in my life - the Observer, who watches with amusement, interest, fascination, as my daily life unfolds; I'm right now watching this get-healthy / avoid diabetes / live stronger / lose the spare tire track I'm on.
Let me tell you what SLOW looks like.
I bought my $300 treadmill back in October or November. Great decision, because I can take my good intentions to move my body more and follow through on them even when the weather or my schedule doesn't cooperate.
But, oh my goodness, when one is out of shape, you can't just get on ...<< MORE >>
Let me tell you what SLOW looks like.
I bought my $300 treadmill back in October or November. Great decision, because I can take my good intentions to move my body more and follow through on them even when the weather or my schedule doesn't cooperate.
But, oh my goodness, when one is out of shape, you can't just get on ...<< MORE >>
Humanity Inside-out
Thursday this week as I rode home on the bus, it was 4:45 p.m. and the sun was still shining. This is very different from the dark days of winter when the sun would be low in the sky at this hour, and by the time I got home it would be dark, dark, dark. I thrilled to the light all around me, and looked up from my Sudoku to gaze out my window into the woods rushing by. I saw a stream that disappeared into a stone culvert in the midst of barren woods ...<< MORE >>
Love and Lent
A couple weeks ago, I was cleaning my office here at home. I went through a box of sundries that I had never completely unpacked in January 2003 when we moved in. I found this memento from "our youth." A 1970's hippie rock. No, literally a rock. We used to find nice rocks and write on them, then shellac 'em so the ink would stay put, and so the rock would have a lovely sheen. I believe this particular rock had been given to my husband by a priest friend from ...<< MORE >>
Too Cold
I am NOT writing a blog entry this week, because it is too FRICK'N COLD. I am so tired of being cold. My fingers are cold. My nose runs. My sinuses work overtime and make a post nasal drip that makes me cough. In the middle of the night. Which wakes me up, and gets me up, where, it is COLD. The wind has been blowing for two weeks straight. It blows the cold right into our house. Some mornings it was 51 degrees in the house when we woke up. ...<< MORE >>
Size Matters - NOT
"Super-size Me" meals; Hummers and Monster SUVs; Porno-spam ads for "Huge Hammers" - Americans seem to have a romance with BIGGER. And that includes our egos, which seem to put our convictions at the center of Righteousness and our selves at the center of the Universe. This is descriptive more than judgmental. It's just how we are.
However. Bigger does not equal more powerful.
Consider the deer tick or the mosquito, and their power to fell a human many times their size. Or cancer cells. Or the last snowflake that falls, or melts, to cause ...<< MORE >>
I'm a Lover, Not a Fighter
"I'm a lover, not a fighter." So said Danny Zuko. Me too.
But, I'm beginning to think that may be part of the problem.
There's this phenomenon I'm going to call "trance eating." This is when I eat stuff I'm not supposed to eat (because it is either ridiculously non-nutritious or it is adding to an already very full stomach). I can even hear every good piece of advice in my head and ignore it, like Ray Barone, when he pretends to be asleep when his mom walks in the room, so he doesn't ...<< MORE >>
Countdown to Fifty
86 Days.
'Used to be, age was "just a number." I didn't get too excited or worried about it. Not at 30, or 40 or even 49. Now I approach the big five-oh, and I'm... uh... thinking about it. Damn.
I know what it is. It's all the annoying little things (well, some are not so little) that have come along with aging that now, I notice. For instance ...<< MORE >>
Nests
I spied a little bird's nest in the branches of a dogwood tree. Just like the ones I have found on the ground from time to time. I've picked them up and brought them inside to display as a thing of beauty, and as a testament to the nature around me. The nests are so very light-weight, it is surprising they can stay in the crook of a branch through wind and rain storms.
I can learn from birds' nest-making. They gather the lightest wisps of grasses and twigs and pull the strands around them, weaving and engineering a ...<< MORE >>
Jesus, Mary and Marion
For someone like me who tends to "live in her head," the spiritual life can present a challenge: while experiencing the transcendent, and answering
the call to "let go" of the illusions of this life so that I can "realize my oneness" with God, I reach this blessed "equilibrium" that is neither hot nor cold, that does not judge, and leads
to a sanguine, compassionate approach to every day living. Cool.
Except that, my limited human reasoning will often end up thinking, Well, if the goal is to transcend, what do I need this body for, and why am I ...<< MORE >>
Except that, my limited human reasoning will often end up thinking, Well, if the goal is to transcend, what do I need this body for, and why am I ...<< MORE >>
Another Wreath for the House
Rotate the laundry, vaccum the floors, clean the guest bathroom, wash and put away the instruments of yesterday's baking that went on till 10:30 at night, wipe the counters, finish the grocery list, make the coffee, take my vitamins. Oh! the girls are up now; coordinate the schedules and plans - eat breakfast, wrap presents, shop for last minute items, make the holiday mix, hair cuts at noon, remember to take the boxes out to the shed, man, it's raining...
Amid this hub-bub, before 8:00 in the morning, Gil wanders into the kitchen and says, "I want to show you something. It won't take long, but you have to come with me. We can go before I go to work." The girls are thinking "What the...? Why is he making mom go out in the early morning, in his truck, to see something? Can't he see we're busy here?"
I'm thinking, with a smile, "Hmmm. Okay, I'm game." Jumping in his truck and taking off for some little adventure in the countryside or the old town is a favorite pastime for the two of us. I just wouldn't expect it on a Friday morning. But, I'm on vacation. If he wants to be late for work, that's up to him. He's allowed.
So, he takes me away from all the clutter and obligations and the warm of our home and drives 3 miles, then down an overgrown half circle gravel driveway of the last working farm in our town. "Where's the parking?" I ask, as he pulls into the circle. "This is the parking," he says.
A sign says, "TURN OFF ENGINE." We turn off the engine. And we walk up to a circa 1900 unheated, un-everything "out building" about the size of my kitchen. In it are rusting large glass-faced coolers and a very old refridgerator. A 1960's lamp is on, and sits way up on top of the refridgerator. Old wooden benches line two sides of the room, as well as one narrow table down the middle of the room, and on the benches and tables are homemade black bean dip, preserves, bunches of magnolia leaves, and table greenery. Bushels of "sauce apples" stand near the door, with a 1900's weighing scale hanging from bare rafters. The other wall has amazing grass wreaths and traditional white pine and mixed greens and pinecones wreaths with cheerful red bows. By the door is a card table, with a small whiteboard leaning against the window. The writing says, "This is an honor system. Please total up what you take and leave the money in the box." There is an open, old box, not much bigger than a cigar box, and it has money in it. There is a little stack of damp paper, and a bank pen. The stack has hand-written itemized lists from customers, along with little greetings.
Gil writes,
1 Greens and Pine Cones wreath, $20
1 wreath hanger, $2
Total $22.oo
Thanks, and Happy Holidays from the Heimans!
I leave, wide-eyed, and smiling ear to ear, to have found such a simple joy, and even more tickled that my husband knows me so well that he takes the trouble to wrest me from my holiday craziness and set out into the rainy morning to show me a special, almost secret, little place "just down the road apiece." He knows me; he loves me.
"I knew you'd like this place, and I remembered you said you wanted another wreath for the house." He's right on both counts, and I love him for that.
Copyright (c) 2006
Amid this hub-bub, before 8:00 in the morning, Gil wanders into the kitchen and says, "I want to show you something. It won't take long, but you have to come with me. We can go before I go to work." The girls are thinking "What the...? Why is he making mom go out in the early morning, in his truck, to see something? Can't he see we're busy here?"
I'm thinking, with a smile, "Hmmm. Okay, I'm game." Jumping in his truck and taking off for some little adventure in the countryside or the old town is a favorite pastime for the two of us. I just wouldn't expect it on a Friday morning. But, I'm on vacation. If he wants to be late for work, that's up to him. He's allowed.
So, he takes me away from all the clutter and obligations and the warm of our home and drives 3 miles, then down an overgrown half circle gravel driveway of the last working farm in our town. "Where's the parking?" I ask, as he pulls into the circle. "This is the parking," he says.
A sign says, "TURN OFF ENGINE." We turn off the engine. And we walk up to a circa 1900 unheated, un-everything "out building" about the size of my kitchen. In it are rusting large glass-faced coolers and a very old refridgerator. A 1960's lamp is on, and sits way up on top of the refridgerator. Old wooden benches line two sides of the room, as well as one narrow table down the middle of the room, and on the benches and tables are homemade black bean dip, preserves, bunches of magnolia leaves, and table greenery. Bushels of "sauce apples" stand near the door, with a 1900's weighing scale hanging from bare rafters. The other wall has amazing grass wreaths and traditional white pine and mixed greens and pinecones wreaths with cheerful red bows. By the door is a card table, with a small whiteboard leaning against the window. The writing says, "This is an honor system. Please total up what you take and leave the money in the box." There is an open, old box, not much bigger than a cigar box, and it has money in it. There is a little stack of damp paper, and a bank pen. The stack has hand-written itemized lists from customers, along with little greetings.
Gil writes,
1 Greens and Pine Cones wreath, $20
1 wreath hanger, $2
Total $22.oo
Thanks, and Happy Holidays from the Heimans!
I leave, wide-eyed, and smiling ear to ear, to have found such a simple joy, and even more tickled that my husband knows me so well that he takes the trouble to wrest me from my holiday craziness and set out into the rainy morning to show me a special, almost secret, little place "just down the road apiece." He knows me; he loves me.
"I knew you'd like this place, and I remembered you said you wanted another wreath for the house." He's right on both counts, and I love him for that.
Copyright (c) 2006
Walking Today So I Can Walk Tomorrow
Just about everyone extols the benefits of walking. I walk. Every morning on the way to work, I walk 13 blocks.
I bought a treadmill and I walk on that too. I thought adding the treadmill would perhaps help me lose weight, but apparently not. I've lost zero zilch nada none.
But I have noticed that the exercise helps me breathe better. I have better capacity. I feel stronger. I learned that all of my blood passes through my lungs (no, I didn't know that before). And so, I figure, it's fairly important that I have real good working lungs and breathing as a base for my blood and my heart.
So, this good feeling of being able to breathe with strength and vigor, without tiring, is a good reason to walk. The cruel thing about exercise is that if you don't keep it up regularly, within about 3 days, everything starts to slide back to what it was before. If you stop for two weeks, it's like completely starting over again! That doesn't seem fair, but, it is what it is.
Now, I walk today so that I will be able to walk tomorrow. I'm too old to want to keep starting over again and again.
This conditioning and unfortunate tendency to atrophy applies to other capacities in life as well. Like kindness. It occurs to me that kindness doesn't just happen because I think I am a nice person. Kindness must be practiced daily, deliberately, as a base for the heart. If it is not, it atrophies too, and it becomes awkward and you have to start again.
I will be kind today so that I will be able to be kind tomorrow. We can't take either breathing or kindness for granted.
Copyright (c) 2006
I bought a treadmill and I walk on that too. I thought adding the treadmill would perhaps help me lose weight, but apparently not. I've lost zero zilch nada none.
But I have noticed that the exercise helps me breathe better. I have better capacity. I feel stronger. I learned that all of my blood passes through my lungs (no, I didn't know that before). And so, I figure, it's fairly important that I have real good working lungs and breathing as a base for my blood and my heart.
So, this good feeling of being able to breathe with strength and vigor, without tiring, is a good reason to walk. The cruel thing about exercise is that if you don't keep it up regularly, within about 3 days, everything starts to slide back to what it was before. If you stop for two weeks, it's like completely starting over again! That doesn't seem fair, but, it is what it is.
Now, I walk today so that I will be able to walk tomorrow. I'm too old to want to keep starting over again and again.
This conditioning and unfortunate tendency to atrophy applies to other capacities in life as well. Like kindness. It occurs to me that kindness doesn't just happen because I think I am a nice person. Kindness must be practiced daily, deliberately, as a base for the heart. If it is not, it atrophies too, and it becomes awkward and you have to start again.
I will be kind today so that I will be able to be kind tomorrow. We can't take either breathing or kindness for granted.
Copyright (c) 2006
It is Possible to Awaken
"The ego, despite its dazzling dance routines and ever-persuasive patter, is really a sort of trance state from which it is possible to awaken. And beneath its incessant inner commentary, behind the story lines and the beliefs that spawn them, there is a wellspring of pure compassion."
— Marc Ian Barasch, Field Notes on the Compassionate Life
This is the place from which I want to live.
Daily, I have to close my eyes in order to awaken from the trance of illusory inner gossip and worries.
I hope and pray that when we see each other, we are able to look into one another's eyes. I hope you find me fully awake, and so see the compassion that lets you know you are loved.
Copyright (c) 2006
The Game of Life
Here is a quote I have liked for some time:The wise man knows the Self,And he plays the game of life.But the fool lives in the worldLike a beast of burden. - Ashtavakra Gita 4:1We, all of us, have a Self, which is the God who made us and who dwells within us.In those moments when I realize the joy and the peacefulness that comes from knowing this Self, I also realize that almost everywhere I turn, the "drama" that unfolds is nonsense. All of it is ...<< MORE >>
Moving Over and Just... Moving
I'm moving over here to CarrieJeans.com. I told Bloglines that they were not flexible enough, because they didn't allow easy photos or comments, and they are too slow to develop, so I'm "going it alone" at my own space.
Gil took me out to Play it Again Sports last weekend to buy a treadmill. Happy happy joy joy. Really.
It must be my Lithuanian peasant genes, but, for years I couldn't/wouldn't exercise because it seemed so ridiculous to me that people should have to go through all that trouble (special clothes, memberships to clubs, special water, electronic devices strapped on your body, etc.) to move. I thought that your LIFE should be enough exercise, and, when I was chasing around a lot of little kids, that was probably true.
But, middle age and its characteristic "spread" along with monitoring my blood work and prospects, has finally convinced me that I need to move (i.e. exercise) daily. To be fair, for years, as long as I wasn't injured, I have had the practice of getting off my commuter bus 13 blocks early and walking through DC to get to my office. That's a 25-30 minute walk. But, I understand that is not enough, so I determined to walk more. I got to know the byways near my home, and I even walked my property over and over. But, what about when it was cold, or blustery, or, I had inspiration to walk right now this second, but, by the time I found my sneakers, bundled up, told the rest of the family I was going out, yadda yadda... the sun had gone down, or the urge just passed.
Hence, the treadmill. It is the family's way to help me follow through on my good intentions now that I have finally decided it is not silly to have to use one to get enough exercise. This is a good idea. I have used it several times this past week. I am pleased and a little proud of myself .
Gil took me out to Play it Again Sports last weekend to buy a treadmill. Happy happy joy joy. Really.
It must be my Lithuanian peasant genes, but, for years I couldn't/wouldn't exercise because it seemed so ridiculous to me that people should have to go through all that trouble (special clothes, memberships to clubs, special water, electronic devices strapped on your body, etc.) to move. I thought that your LIFE should be enough exercise, and, when I was chasing around a lot of little kids, that was probably true.
But, middle age and its characteristic "spread" along with monitoring my blood work and prospects, has finally convinced me that I need to move (i.e. exercise) daily. To be fair, for years, as long as I wasn't injured, I have had the practice of getting off my commuter bus 13 blocks early and walking through DC to get to my office. That's a 25-30 minute walk. But, I understand that is not enough, so I determined to walk more. I got to know the byways near my home, and I even walked my property over and over. But, what about when it was cold, or blustery, or, I had inspiration to walk right now this second, but, by the time I found my sneakers, bundled up, told the rest of the family I was going out, yadda yadda... the sun had gone down, or the urge just passed.
Hence, the treadmill. It is the family's way to help me follow through on my good intentions now that I have finally decided it is not silly to have to use one to get enough exercise. This is a good idea. I have used it several times this past week. I am pleased and a little proud of myself
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